One Person We’ll Never Get Over

Even long after the relationship dies and all connections perish, this person stays alive in our consciousness.

It’s not like we spend our entire day fantasizing about them or reminiscing. It’s not like our lives stopped when they left it. It’s not like we haven’t moved on—we might even be building a relationship with someone new.

But this person’s existence is like an alarm clock that rings every once in a while. They’re like the mud that resides at the bottom of a glass—if stirred, it instantly fills the calm water.

Any object, sound, taste or smell related to them, can make them cross our minds again.

If our eyes met, we would still see the same colors and patterns we used to. The smell of their breath and skin would still linger at the end of our nostrils. The comfort they made us feel is undeniable and the exhilaration they brought about is irreplaceable.

They seem to live in us even though we don’t want them to. They’re like a plant that keeps growing when we don’t water it. A cloud that keeps on reappearing when it’s sunny.

And their memory isn’t always welcome. Sometimes, it is penetrating, wretched.

What’s even more agonizing is how our world turns upside down when they reach for us. The mixed emotions they inflict on us are enough to prove how they still controls every single piece of us—and not in a good way.

We know, deep down, if this person wants to meet—or heaven-forbid, run away with us—we wouldn’t hesitate. “No” seems to be the toughest word to say to them. We’d step on our pride, our pain, our strength, just to make it to them.

But we don’t admit this to anyone—we’re even ashamed to say it to ourselves. What kind of irrational person would still be hooked on someone who doesn’t really care about them?

They can never become strangers or mere faces we used to know. They will always be the home in which we felt most comfortable. They’re our shelter, our nature, our universe—everything we have ever known and every planet we’ll ever orbit.

Looking at them is like reading through the words in our journal. They are the pages that contain our joy, our foolishness. They are the box below our bed that knows our secrets, strengths and weaknesses.

We want to get over them. We want to wake up one morning and pretend they don’t exist. We want to look at them as we would look at any other living thing.

And the reason why we’ll never get over them is because they got over us.

It’s like a sickening psychological game that seems to have no end. Unconsciously, we wanted them so badly because they didn’t want us with the same intensity. Maybe they were already over us while they were still with us. Maybe they were never into us in the first place.

We come up with a million different reasons why they don’t feel for us what we feel for them. Why they left when they could’ve stayed. Why they didn’t reconcile when we were ready to take them back.

Worse than the reasons are the excuses we create for them—and we are so damn good at it. But these excuses are nothing but a solace to our bruised self.

Perhaps, one day, we will stop these lies. We will accept that this person is over us. We can keep lying to ourselves and repeating the buts and whys. We can keep knocking our head against a wall, or we can face the truth.

It will hurt. But, as we know, for a wound to be mended, we must have enough courage to handle the pain and stitch it back together.

It’s tough to admit that this person is over us. But, if we do, we might just get over them. Maybe it won’t be until we’re older. One day their alarm clock will go off in our minds, and we may just smile.

While healing may never feel complete, we must keep working to get there. And if we can’t completely eradicate the lies we tell ourselves, then we just have to live with them until they expire on their own accord.

Time is often the greatest healer, but the one that’s even better is genuine love. Love that shows us what it means to stay.

Because just like some people are good at leaving, others are good at staying. And maybe when we find the people who stay, we will finally get over the ones who left.

Author: Elyane Youssef

Source: Elephant Journal via Ideaspots


Three Love of Life!

It’s been said that in real we only fall in love with three people in our lifetime.

Yet, it’s also believed that we need each of these loves for a different reason.

Often our first is when we are young, in high school even. It’s the idealistic love—the one that seems like the fairytales we read as children.

This is the love that appeals to what we should be doing for society’s sake—and probably our families. We enter into it with the belief that this will be our only love and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel quite right, or if we find ourselves having to swallow down our personal truths to make it work because deep down we believe that this is what love is supposed to be.

Because in this type of love, how others view us is more important than how we actually feel.

It’s a love that looks right.

The second is supposed to be our hard love—the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved. This is the kind of love that hurts, whether through lies, pain or manipulation.

We think we are making different choices than our first, but in reality we are still making choices out of the need to learn lessons—but we hang on. Our second love can become a cycle, oftentimes one we keep repeating because we think that somehow the ending will be different than before. Yet, each time we try, it somehow ends worse than before.

Sometimes it’s unhealthy, unbalanced or narcissistic even. There may be emotional, mental or even physical abuse or manipulation—most likely there will be high levels of drama. This is exactly what keeps us addicted to this storyline, because it’s the emotional rollercoaster of extreme highs and lows and like a junkie trying to get a fix, we stick through the lows with the expectation of the high.

With this kind of love, trying to make it work becomes more important than whether it actually should.

It’s the love that we wished was right.

And the third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be. This is the love that comes so easy it doesn’t seem possible. It’s the kind where the connection can’t be explained and knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it.

This is the love where we come together with someone and it just fits—there aren’t any ideal expectations about how each person should be acting, nor is there pressure to become someone other than we are.

We are just simply accepted for who we are already—and it shakes to our core.

Maybe we don’t all experience these loves in this lifetime, but perhaps that’s just because we aren’t ready to. Maybe the reality is we need to truly learn what love isn’t before we can grasp what it is.

And then there may be those people who fall in love once and find it passionately lasts until their last breath. Those faded and worn pictures of our grandparents who seemed just as in love as they walked hand-in-hand at age 80 as they did in their wedding picture—the kind that leaves us wondering if we really know how to love at all.

Just because it has never worked out before doesn’t mean that it won’t work out now.

What it really comes down to is if we are limited by how we love, or instead love without limits. We can all choose to stay with our first love, the one that looks good and will make everyone else happy. We can choose to stay with our second under the belief that if we don’t have to fight for it, then it’s not worth having—or we can make the choice to believe in the third love.

And it’s that possibility that makes trying again always worthwhile, because the truth is you never know when you’ll stumble into love.

“You found parts of me I didn’t know existed and in you I found a love I no longer believed was real.” ~ Unknown

By Kate Rose

Source: Elephant Journal via Mystical Raven